It was a sober moment. My husband was outside my car, standing in the pouring rain, motioning me closer to the curb. After maneuvering back and forth between two parked cars, I finally got the job done. I grabbed my umbrella. Not just any umbrella. (Warming: I am about to go off on a brief tangent.)This baby is a beaut. I first saw her in a SkyMall magazine, when I was flying home from a visit with my parents. I live in Seattle, where it rains all winter long, and this big ol' umbrella called to me. I've never bought a thing from an airplane magazine, and I stuffed the thing into the seat pocket. But I couldn't stop thinking about that umbrella. Black, with a row of red silk roses sewn round the rim. Closed it looks like a bouquet. Open, it's an umbrella rimmed with roses. Pretty! I was in love, and darned if I didn't slide the magazine back out of the pocket and stash it in my purse.
The next morning I went online and ordered. Ten days later she arrived (yes, I have given her a sex and a name-female, Rosie.) To my surprise, those roses aren't silk at all. They're made of some nameless red fabric and stitched into the rim by their plastic, two-inch-long stems. The funkiest thing you ever saw! Not so beautiful as the picture; in fact kinda ugly. But she's still ultra cool, and I'm not the only one who believes this. Everywhere I carry Rosie, I get comments from women who want one just like her. Who'd have thought?
Anyway, as soon as I parked the car nice and close to the curb, I grabbed Rosie, whom I keep in the back seat of my car. When I pulled her into the front seat I accidentally hit the latch. She popped open. Fully open she's way too big for my car. I couldn't even open her all the way. I tried to close her back up to her trim little self, but for some reason that didn't work, either. I tried twice without any luck. Then I realized how funny the whole thing was. Well, I got the giggles. There I was, in the front seat of my Prius, laughing hysterically and trying to control my rebellious umbrella, while my husband got wetter by the second. Hey, he could've stayed dry if only he'd grabbed Rosie for himself. But for some reason he won't touch her.
At last I closed the thing and exited the car. My husband just shook his head. But I kept on laughing.
Next time he rides in my car he'll bring his own umbrella.
Ann Roth
It Happened One Wedding, April, 2007
Another Life, April, 2007
www.annroth.net
4 comments:
You have to wonder why you find some things funny that really shouldn't be. Some years ago my husband got the flu real bad - fever spiked to 105. With the help of a friend, I got him to the ER, but had to call another friend to come pick us up. It had snowed pretty good the day before and when we got to the house, my honey was able to walk from the car to the front door on his own power, but there we were, about 10 feet behind him, throwing snowballs at his back and having one helluva good time. Don't you know, it's 30 years later and I still get yelled at for my gross insensitivity. I always assume a remorseful pose, but inside I'm still laughing like crazy.
Nancy, you've reminded me of the time I tipped my husband into a lake from a canoe. He was really ticked. Mostly because I kept hauling the canoe up onto the beach in spite of all the onlookers yelling at me to stop. Why? Because my husband was halfway to climbing out into the foot deep water.
I didn't hear the warnings because they were coming from everywhere: a cacaphony of sound that meant nothing.
By the time I raised my eyes to see how much more I had to haul on the canoe, my husband was doing a sideways tilt into the water. Soaked his watch, his wallet...LOL! Should have been his head.
If he'd just waited in his seat, I'd have had him on dry land...but no! he couldn't trust that I'd be able to pull the canoe up that far.
Now, when we canoe, he gets out first. And I still chuckle every time.
Nancy-
I'm thinking you reacted out of relief that your husband was okay.
Bonnie-
Shame on you, girl!
I'm sure our men will never understand why we laughed. I'm just glad we all did. :-)
Nancy-
I'm thinking you reacted out of relief that your husband was okay.
Bonnie-
Shame on you, girl!
I'm sure our men will never understand why we laughed. I'm just glad we all did. :-)
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