I love that song by The Bangles, "Manic Monday." It first came out when I was a young woman with a husband, a young child, a job and writing aspirations. It defined my life. If you'd asked me back then, I'd have said I'd have my life in order by now. Hah, naive young thing I was back then.
Every Monday hits me with a wave of panic about all the things that I need to do for the week. I've been battling the manic-panic approach to the week with some success for the last two years. However, as soon as I let down my guard (buttressed by square breathing and conscious-positive thinking) and think about my to-do list, my heart starts to race.
All this panic is detrimental to the creative process. I know this, so I battle on. Life's little disruptions make it difficult, but life's big disruptions make it almost impossible to drop down into the dreamworld of my creative conscious. I was going to complain about that today, but I can't...
Because, while I was strugging to tame the to-do devil, I heard on the radio about the shootings at Virginia Tech. My little battle with life's difficulties suddenly seems so tiny. I have it good. Healthy husband, healthy children, work...life.
So, today I don't need to square breathe my way out of my relatively trivial worries -- shock and pain and sympathy have knocked me out of my petty panic phase. If I am lucky enough to get down into a creative state, I'll be grateful for that, too, because I know for certain I'll be coming up to reality on a regular basis to sit with the knowledge that there are mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and children who are facing unimaginable loss today.
Sorry to be such a downer, but sometimes life punches someone else in the gut, and takes the air out of the innocent bystanders' lungs. Today was definitely that kind of day for me.
Kelly
4 comments:
I was on the treadmill this afternoon when I heard about the tragedy at Virginia Tech. It took the air out of me. I immediately thought of all those families that would be affected and I began to cry. I've got a good life, for which I am grateful beyond words, but I often find myself walking around with this little black cloud hovering over me, and it's only when I stop to ask myself why I'm feeling that way that I realize it's because of all the families in the world that are touched by tragedy every single day. I don't mean people getting old and dying. That's part of life. I mean the needless, senseless tragedies caused by war, poverty, hunger, genocide, drugs, drunk drivers, sexual predators, religious extremists, and all of mankind's inhumanity to mankind. Tonight I'm going to sit on the couch and watch something mindless on TV that doesn't make me weep. I might even laugh. But all the while that little black cloud will still be up there.
Kelly, I have college age kids. I'm hoping I don't know any of the victims. That will make the horror of the tragedy so much more painful.
Kelly, the tragedy struck me the same way. First the horror and senselessness of such a rampage and then sadness for all those involved. How could such a terrible event be foreseen or prevented? Then, maybe it's selfish, but I thought of all the things I have to be thankful for.
It's so unspeakable, I can't even begin to imagine what the families are feeling, and that includes the parents of the gunman. What would possess a person to do something so horrible?
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